Constructed empire of solitude, now an empty home, picture covered walls,

Momemtos of past moments, now so quiet and subdued. 

A dimly furnished room, reminders of childhood days now long gone.

Memorial rooms all about ghuosts, they make their way through the surrounding gloom. 

I have come to make my visit, returning to old times.

Conversations take me here and take me there. 

There is nothing wrong so please don’t ask “what is it?”

 He speaks words of criticism, framing careful opinions.

He’s knows them well, his view from behind that same old prism. 

This visit is an interruption of that solitude, a chance to shake off the dust and air out the house.

Carefully avoiding anything of any magnitude.

Old man look in my eyes and notice the reflection. 

Notice the image drawn there so close to your own complexion. 

You speak of gratitude, extended hand and slight grin.

I bite my tongue and do not reveal anything of any magnitude.

T.S. Deary 

She can be found in numerous places always wearing beautiful faces. 

Well acquainted with the mirror but never able to see any clearer.

Touching to entwine her limbs, mouthing words to seductive hymns.

Lives a life enmeshed, never any impression that she is depressed.

Listen, she says “come with me”, think how majestic we will be! 

Then the vision grows faint, never allowing for any complaint.

Unalterable belief in her own worth, the golden child blessed from birth. 

Smiling portrait of self, masks carefully arranged on the shelf. 

Clever arguments and comments, portrait of torment.

Movements draw attention, her lifeblood is temptation. 

Confident charade, who in parade, storms along the dark horizon, tension rising.

She will drag you down and in that mess you will drown…..

T.S. Deary 

The road rolls on in undulated hills,

all the way to the summer sun. 

dreamscape inspiration for when this day is done,

fading storms, their fury stills,

slow paced passion of sunsets,

this summer plays out in the passage of time,

this day like me is in its prime,

unwinding feeling, no regrets.
Mother cat and kittens,

playing in the tall grass,

they are acting out their day just as it written,

young girl herself growing watches them through the door of glass,

they don’t see her, her presence is well hidden,

these two worlds interact from the door of glass,

to their playground in the grass…..

T.S. Deary 

See all photos here: “https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/GNRaKY6beHdUuREFrl1nyBkwKJlkG5A1P9QdQwc8tny”

See all photos here: “https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/54gFWnGMDlI6nGgrKzqrQRwAnpk8wQySwviq8XwFmMU”

Dennis was my childhood freind. Despite not seeing him in quite a few years I have never forgotten the times we spent together as I am sure everyone who knew him and spent any amount of time with him will say. When I heard of his death it hit me in my soul. My heart felt as if a piece of it had been taken away for ever and the news has put a shadow across my soul for a few weeks now. Like Dennis, I have a deep and abiding faith in God and from that I have taken a vast amount of comfort. The reality that he now resides with God is the greatest comfort of all. 

I cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of the loss his wife and children have to now confront and I pray that they will find peace and comfort over time. Dennis was very proud of his family’s and rightfully so as they are beautiful and will carry his legacy with honor and pride. 

One of the best memories I have of the times I spent with Dennis was swimming off the dock behind his parent’s house. There were many summer days spent swimming and fishing and sharing each others company. His parents and siblings were wonderfully hospitable people who were most welcoming. Those days are long gone but they have never left my memory. I am thankful to have shared them with him and they comfort me now. 

Peace freind. You will be in my heart forever. 

T.S. Deary 

P.A.F.M.

Now comes the quiet time.

When you eat your heart out from the inside, deep breaths and long nights,

obsessive thoughts of redemption for your crime.
Then come the silent days when no one wants to know her name,

the silence is almos as loud as your regret,

then the resolution to change your ways.
circular motion.

Planetary alignment.

Emotional consignment.

Preferential emotion. 
Now back to the friends who turn their backs,

turning their backs away from you,

they turn their backs to whisper and then the fateful kiss.
Then come the lonely nights,

anxiety and pale moonlight,

abnormal  shadows along the wall,

hope for morning in the armour of this fallen night.
Time comes,

redemption appears and then disappears,

only time remains.
T.S.Deary 

P.A.F.M.

(for Dennis Charpentier) 

I remember and have seen all the lives you have left your mark upon. 

Now suddenly you are gone.

The world is so different now,

descended is a cloud of grief,

pushing through the furrows of my mind,

like an overbearing emotional plow.

If only I could take one last walk with you!

Just to the end of the road and back,

I would be glad to be by your side and if the conversation lagged behind then familiar sights and sounds would put it back on track.

Friend…..

where have you gone? 

If only there was one more time to talk.

Freind…..

where have yoi u gone? 

Refresh old memories from days spent fishing off the dock…..

Summer days now long gone,

days of carefree freedom and swimming off the dock,

memories on my heart cry out like a trembling, new born fawn.

School days now long gone,

baseball at recess,

laughing to tears at stories told and retold,

an everlasting strength and bond.
II. Siempre (Always) 

I will never hear your voice again,

but I will remember it always.

It is imprinted on my mind’s ear and when I listen I can still hear it.

In my mind’s eye,

I still see us as children,

Fishing as the sun fades into the Spring sky when endings were just beginnings.

I think of you as friend and I praise the impact you have on my life,

because it lives now as it lives then.

Only,

Now I wish it was still high summer and I could jump off the dock again and again and the flying spray of water would be a sacramental reminder of the endless cycle of life death and birth.

So someday soon I will go down to that pond and wash my hands in that water and give thanks to God that I knew you,

and I will look for you in the smiles of good people,

with gentle souls,

and warm hearts,

and in picture perfect sunsets that end sunny summer days with the echoes of friends jumping into the water.

Siempre (Always) 

Mourning tears,

become sunset acceptance,

followed by morning remebrance,

Siempre (Always)

T.S. Deary 

18 September – 21 September 2017 

I. Search 

I have been looking for you.

I began a long time ago even though I knew you had already left. 

I watched.

I was there.

I know you were out to rest…..

But I thought I saw you later on.

Now too much time has passed and the world has continued to turn. 

Heaven I still have not found. 

The only comfort I have on this search is the heaven you have found. 
II. Reunion 

I have been without you now for days.

But not today! 

Today – the memories flooded my mind.

Like the rain that fell all summer – as if the sun had melted all the ice you left behind!
T.S. Deary

Today I heard a song that I have not heard in a long time. It is a song that I wish I had written the lyrics for. To me there is something incredibly nostalgic and moving about the words and sounds of the music. My favorite line is “I can make a dream that’s only half awake come true.” Those words speak to me on a primal level. To me the line is about grief. Grief makes all of my senses sharper. Grief makes me so much more aware of the lack of presence that was once so real and that is now so gone. We tend to think that death ends a relationship in the same way it ended a life. It does not. Death ends the physical presence of the deceased in our world but it does not end our relationship with the deceased. The remembrance of the deceased makes the dream that is only half awake come true. The dream coming true is the realization that the relationship endures. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow is yet to come. This is the comfort in the midst of the storm of grief. That dream is true! I maintain relationships with those I have lost every time I remember them, every time I laugh at a remembered joke or saying or when I see their face in that of a stranger. All of those moments are dreams that were once only half awake coming true. 

T.S. Deary