Forgiveness

I am the one who goes to confession, 
in that little room, 
where all those skeleton bones are stored. 
The ones that everyone knows are there, 
but never spoken of, 
on these games we all play, 
with one another, 
and then there are the times when those awful realizations come, 
and the one we owe an apology to are no longer her to recieve it. 

I replay, 
a thousand slights, 
but mostly, 
I avoid the realization, 
that I am the problem. 

I have come up against the wall, 
the one you have so carefully constructed, 
all around me, 
with all your misconceptions, 
and carefully planned reminders, 
that I deserve, 
what I have gotten because, 
of my ability, 
to show grace, 
and always underneath her words is the condemnation of my father. 

He was much more right than wrong, 
much more right than wrong, 
much more than all of us have given him credit for, 
not merely an obstinate old grouch, 
he was generous, 
loyal and intelligent, 
I could not see that through my own selfishness, 
now, I see the same from my own children, 
and I pray....

"Forgice me Lord, I was once a selfish child and now I am just a stupoid man...."

T. S. Deary

1/25/24