Realizations

At a loss to explain this feeling.4
(as if I could burst into tears at any moment.)
vacilating around two different poles
(neveranytimetorest)

like
hands
reaching
from
some
dark
place
waiting
to
strangle
away
hope.

I become nocturnal
against my will
and 
better judgement.

the nature of this popularity contest
(voting by ballot for the native son or daughter)
names on gilded plaques
(they are the best after all) 
they have changed the water into wine
using talents for all to see
(they are the chosen after all)

they can do what no one can
(and if you do, no one will truly understand)

whats
to 
stop 
me
from
pounding 
the 
smile 
off
your
face
and
with
that
one
action
wiping
the
fame
out 
of 
your 
legacy...

(you were invited into my house to help
not to binge your fame addiction at the expense of my hospitality.) 

the nbox sat on the table
all of the contents were neatly arranged
until the cat spilled them on the floor.
(all its contents rejected in one motion.) 
a statement on unspoken advantage very simply stated.
(perceived and received well as well.) 

He came not to call the righteous to repentance but the sinners.
(those who are not sick have no need of a physician)
you can do what you want as a result of people like me who do what I do.

When I wake in the morning
and
put my feet on the floor
I know what I will do and not do.
(everything I do and do not do is not designed to get the attention of everyone else.) 

I 
go
where
my
heart
has led
me 
and
I leave behind
something
better.

unreal world
under the dull glare of fluorescent lights
(we become what we sow and reap what we are)
no rain on the dry ground
only shadows on the wall
(realization turns to self blame)

I live inside crazy, hand spun dreams
that are cultivated by dark and bizarre obsessions
(they become like mountain heartbeats)
driving
they skid along
(the game will take you away from here to places you may not be able to leave). 

when we were children and we had says off from school
for the weather you could go right across the road on the sled, 
(then came dark days, places unprouncable and full of irrational hate and violence...)

the neighborhood was hardly ever visited again
so long now
too long to be undone from top to bottom
he said. "come and visit"
but we ended up only walking around
(as if looking for a welcome sign no one seemed to remember)
night came and we all went our seperate ways
(dreams begin)

T. S. Deary 

30 August - 15 September 16