The sum total of the problem is that I see right through the pictures and all of those smiles, oh! those smiles, the painted on lips!
I remember all that you told me and I remember how you said it and most of all I remember how you cried.
You say he loves you like no other and then you post the pictures to prove it, there is nothing beneath that pedestal you stand on, only the temporary high of self affirming likes and reactions, until the screen goes dark.
(then you look for the next “spontaneous” moment to exploit)
So begins the cycle of looking for attention and then watch it fade away, it is so exciting, but like all highs it disappears and dime away so you have to chase it again and again.
(get the angles right for this latest testament to self)
The simplest and oldest form of worship, looking back at yourself, forgetting the image is only a picture taken in the middle of the emotions you run from, in this world of smoke and mirrors there is neither fire nor reality, there is no now, there is only then.
Just let me be, don’t hold me close and then let me go, just let me be, never closer, never further, you just come and go as you please, I am not dead nor am I dying but you proceed to put me up for sale, you come and go and come and go and all that you once said is no longer true, runanway, steal away, take my breath away, pretending all the while that you don’t even his me.
So just take your selfie, so your hair and face, smile for the camera, pretend that you are what you are not really are, I have never forgotten those teary eyed conversations about all those rejected feelings, how he resisted your advances, maybe you made a mistake, not really meaning those vows and how it now needs to be all undone…..
Only now you smile and praise him and say how you can’t live be without him and how wonderful it all is with him but don’t forget that I know better despite all those pictures you use to tell your fabled story.
Endless poses, well rehearsed selfie portraits that paint neither reality nor your best qualities up close they are as invisible as your regard for truth…..
“depends on others for constant infusions of approval and admiration…..” C. Lasch
T.S. Deary P.A.F.M