I am very grateful to have a poem in the latest, Poetic Visions contest. The poem, my oeiginal, is called, “The Girl On The Steps. The painting, by Philip Smallwood, is called Sno Cone.
Thematically this poem is a “book end” to my poem, “Those Three Chairs.”
There is no blame here,
none to be put upon anyone,
we are only humans after all.
(All but one of the walls of the Temple have crumbled and they blame God.)
There are no honest people that are willing to stand up and say, "No More."
It is there, in the spaces created by deliberate silence, that the doors to his presence are opened wide.
Those are the times when evil grows,
even flourishes,
wasting away everyone's well given dignity,
there is where ideas grow,
they come and they go and they never completely die,
always coming back and taking more than they ever give,
bringing bloody ends to starry dreams.
(for those whose eyes are never fully open.)
See what it is that sends them on their way,
those whose ears are full of noise that never stops and all those sounds that never make any sense.
Woe to you and woe to me,
never being able to see beyond the end of their own noses.
He rushes into all things always trying to distract and pull apart.
(shreds of news and discarded thoughts once thought relevant.)
When he went out into the desert,
he was there,
appearing ot him as if out of nowhere,
wasting no time,
preying upon his identity.
(If you really are the Son fo God...)
Preying on his hunger,
desire for power,
deisre for riches,
to give up the servant life and to reject the will of God.
(those voices later shouted, "Crucify him, Crucify him... We have no King but Caesar...")
Not once, twice, but three times,
denying him, swearing,
"I don't know him!"
Betrayal of innicent blood,
end of a starry eyed dream,
for thirty pieces of silver.
"What you are going to do...Do quickly."
Asking,
"If you really are the Son of God...would he really ask you tro die?"
To be torn apart, limb from limb, by this crazy pack of wolves.
"Do you really believe?"
(Look, your King comes riding on a donkey...Now he comes carrying a cross.)
(Look, your betrayer is near, even reaching out to kiss you, he even calls you Rabbi.)
"I know who you are,
I was there when God threw you out of heaven...falling like lightning."
You, nor anything you do, or promise, cannot exceed the joyful aftermath that comes to those who believe,
the Son of Man will come on the clouds of heaven and you will be crushed under his heel.
(you cannot destroy God's Temple as long as God lives there.)
From the desert you departed from me for only a while, waiting like hte thief you are for a more opportune time to come.
(as always you came to me at my lowest.)
Asking if I really believed,
"Who is you father?'
speaking of the too heavy burden of sin and offering me a false life line, telling me to depend upon myself.
(As if myself was enough to rely on after denying from where I came.)
You have no power over me if not given to you from beyond.
The presence of evil is sometimes banal,
sometimes it is glamorous and flashy,
grandiose and shallow at the same time,
it's there whenver someone washes their hands and a lamb is led off to the slaughter,
(especially the unborn, innocent, torn from their mother's womb.)
I am there whenever innocence is shattered and stolen,
when self is woshipped and others are ignored.
I will put you behind me,
you will never step back from the front,
up front and center,
looking for all the attention you can get,
never understanding what God says,
never understanding what God means,
when he says,
"the first shall be last and the last shall be first."
T.S. Deary
3 March - 15 March 2023
When the time came,
the disciples did as Jesus said,
they went and found the colt,
untied him,
and brought him to Jesus.
When they entered the city,
all the people praised him.
"Hossanna in the highest!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Blessed is the son of David!"
(All they said was true and he made no effort to silence them!)
Surely he has come to claim his throne,
surely he has come to break the hold of Rome,
Now, God will be avenged, cut for cut and broken bone for broken bone,
God's Messiah will send these Roman armies home.
Jesus will indeed reclaim his throne, he will fulfill all of the scripture,
and in his time make all things new again.
"Hossanna in the highest!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Hossanna in the highest!"
Then he went to the Temple,
ready for what was to come.
T.S. Deary
2/20/23
Because I came from dust,
to dust I shall return,
if not for the mercy of God,
and the atonement of the Son.
I believe,
not out of fear,
but out of a desire to be more.
Becasue he knew the Father all along and from the Father he came,
to the Father He went,
fully aware and fully accepting all the Father asked of Him.
Because I want to remain in the Light,
because I sometimes turn to the darkness,
and because God shows mercy and also calls for repentance,
and to die to the world and to become what he made me to be.
Christ has died.
Christ has Risen!
Christ will come again.
Call me a hypocrite.
Call me a fool.
Christ calls me too and he still calls you.
Here I am now,
here He is too,
alive and fully real,
denial changes nothing,
for you too copme from dust and to dust you shall return,
between the spoken word adn the act is the truth,
denial of the truth is no way to live,
live fully,
not dying forever,
all about self,
betraying all that could be,
(thirty pieces of silver.)
Turn around,
trun around and see,
turn around and believe,
that voice still cries in the desert,
the day of the Lord is at hand,
turn back to God even though you have laughed and turned your back in the past,
(crucify him...We have no KIng but Caesar!)
No, not me, not by far.
No, not me, not by any measure, am I the one who knows it all,
nor do I have nothing to repent from.
I am healed.
He is not dead.
He is not for sale.
He cannot be bought,
everything is paid.
He was not alone when the Spirit led him into the desert.
He was not alone when he was tempted to give in.
He did not turn the stones into bread.
(He could have.)
He did not worship power or dark desires.
(He refused to give in.)
He chose not to live by bread alone.
He chose to worship God and God alone.
"Repent"
Before he said anything else, He said, "Repent!"
He still says, "Repent!"
The Kingdom of Heaven is still at hand!
Coming closer and closer,
asking to be seen and embraced.
T.S. Deary
2/22 - 2/23/23
Maybe you should not talk about your party in front of the person no one bothered to invite.
I learned not to exclude people in that way very early and I thought everyone did the same?
I have been proven wrong and it upset me for about five seconds,
about the time it took me ot realize that I dont want to hang out with any of you any way.
I wonder if any of them understand the way of introverts?
The way we are so quiet.
(how that unsettles people.)
How the mistake of others is that they think we don't notice.
(we always do.)
This explains the intensity of the reactions that you get from us,
almost never a verbal repsonse,
just a definite difference in how our energy reacts to you,
(if you spent five seconds listening instead of posting selfies, you might get it.)
It is not fear, avoidance or shyness but it is disdain.
mostly because you thought we did not notice.
We always notice,
those shifts in your energy,
the comments you thought went unheard,
they were heard and analyzed and they will be used against you,
(indeed, they will be held against you.)
We laugh at you,
because you think we miss the party invite,
what we miss is foreign to you,
genuine connection keeps us alive,
parties and selfies are your domain,
not ours.
T. S. Deary
2/13/23
Last night was the Feast of the Epiphany and the priest preached about change and new direction.
(the magi returned to their country by another route.)
I wondered about his words and mentally tried to answer his quesitons...
"Had Christmas changed me?" ( I was not able to say yes or no.)
I took it all in, listening to Father's accented English and hearing every word.)
The darkness was deep outside as I made my way home and the manger was still illuminated by the road.
The message lingered in the cormers of my mind, images of the gifts, the star and gifts of gold and how all of Jerusalem was troubled along with Herod,
I searched the sky for the star and the planetary motion pointing to the new born king.
(still seeking...)
Now my epiphany has come to pass, new realizations and a new way of thinking about why I am the way I am...
(still speaking volumes and sending mental pictures to my tired eyes.)
The further along I go in this life,
the older and wiser I get,
the more I understand my father and his moods,
even his internal motivations and how wrong I hav ebeen all this time.
(to unaware, to young, and to naive to admit this until now.)
I never stopped to think about what he went without so we could have and how I almost never appreciated any of it.
I know he knew and that burden sometimes left him feeling alone and moody, withdrawn.
(slammoing doors and angry words.)
Then came dementia and confusion and allegations that only made partial sense.
Now, here without him,
when the days turned dismay into truths,
I have come to understand how my unkind and ungrateful words pushed doors closed and then bounced around his head to come back to me as if to say..."Someday you will understand."
I remember how hard he worked, often with no thanks,
how much he yearned for our success,
even more how he used his to ensure our own.
How he was proud of us regardless and how I stepped down and gave my all to force him to prove it and he did by continuing ot provide for me when I least deserved it.
How misunderstood and judged he often felt because I had my own ideas and never sought to understand how much likje him I really am.
How he shut some people out of his life not out of malice but because of a deep hurt and feelings he could not easily articualte.
I often gave him no quarter and instead pointed fingers and demanded answers.
(now I know the depths of familial alineation and how he felt towards the one he was once close to.)
I have now born the frustrations and carried them on my shoulders and used its force to slam my own doors shut and push into another a demand for respect if not understanding.
(and now I see on their faces the frustration I once felt towards him.)
I wish I could open doors that have been shut up tight and then dust off the pictures I found of you in the closet after you were gone,
they should be in the gallery of our lives and not in a box.
I wish I could wear your clothes, better yet, to be big and strong enough, to fill the old brown shoes you always wore,
then maybe I could understand where I am now and how wrong I was when the time came for me to shut up but instead I kept talking and yelling and leaving and wearing holes in my shoes from backtracking and walking in circles.
All that wasted breath,
If i could hav eit back I would fill your lifless chest so I could talk to you again and tell you that I undeerstand now,
(the magi returned to their country by another route, changed...understanding.)
Then there are all these hills I still have to climb.
(even though I know I will make it, I wish you were still here pushing me and reminding me that I am a gem in the crown you always wore.)
I never understood how hard it is.
I never understood how well you did all that you were asked to do.
I never realized how wrong I was until the tables were turned on me,
and I was left standing on the other side of those slamming doors.
To have you here now,
to understand why it was the way it was,
if only you could say how,
maybe it is just because...
Maybe it is poetic justice,
maybe this lesson of epiphany is a new phase( of life,
and I am onloy fate's accomplice,
and later on it will soften and calm all of this strife.
The light slanted out fromt he partially open church door.
(barely illuminating the walkway giving a brief and lovely soft light to the angels decorating the walkway)
Meant to instill the meaning of Epiphany and of a new and lasting revelation of the Divine.
And of illuminated journeys to the unknown, forward and backwards seeking new destinations,
all aligning with a new understanding of the past and fitted with great feeling for the future,
all wrapped up in gifts of inscence, frankinsense and myrrh,
and a desire to find my way home by another route.
"Filius patris mei ego sum"
T. S. Deary
2/1/22 - 1/20/23
All of this, of course is for Democracy,
so the masses must obey and bow to the newly established aristocracy,
all of them now baptized in the waters of hypocrisy.
Nothing to see here,
nothing to see!
We will get the numbers out as soon as we finish counting,
meanwhile, the tension and skepticism are mounting.
All of these delays and speculation,
waiting for the official counts and totals, some form of democratic consecration,
all opposition denounced, furhtering degredation.
You,
cannot question what the count reveals!
You,
cannot ask questions of the one's who are elected!
You,
cannot questiopn why the defeated ones lost!
If you do then you are a denier,
worse than any other form of liar.
Don't you know?
All the blame is on those who worshipped at the altar of extremism.
Deniers are now christened, branded as the newest form of atheism.
"Democracy" is a new form of monotheism.
Kari Lake and Katie Hobbs,
one portrayed as fake,
the other added to the list of the latest Democratic heart throbs,
Fetterman, Wornock, AOC, all shepards to this clueless flock.
Nothing to see here,
nothing to see!
We are counting votes steadily,
instead of reaching conclusions,
all their time is spent perpetuating delusions.
T.S. Deary
11/22 - 01/23
When the person who resides over the nation as chief executuve exhibits a long train of bizzare behavior and repeated insults to the will and security of the people it becomes necessary for the people to demand a redress of the grievances concerning the current President. We submit these facts for the consideration and on behalf of the Republic.
We hold this truth to be self evident, the current President of the Untied States is an incompetent fool who has engaged in the systematic destruction of the values of the Repub;lic and through a long train of abuses has shown that he is incapable of the job he holds. When one person becomes the instrument of the destruction of this well founded Republic it is the duty of citizens, as an expression of their ultimate soveriegnty, based on the rule of law to submit the facts to a candid world.
We wish to excercise the well established right to petition the government for a redress of grievances. This is the vehicle provided by the Founders as an expression that those elected are beholden to the people, the rule of law and that no one is enthroned absolutely.
He has completely compromsied the security of this nation by failing to secure the southern border.
He presided over and commanded a disastrous, shameful, hurried withdrawal from Afghanistan, leaving Americans behind, emboldened our enemies, emasculated the Armed Forces and dishonored the sacrifice of thousands of the bravest Americans.
He has repeatedly denied knowledge of the business dealings of his son, engaged in a quid pro quo concerning the prosecution of his sons interests in Ukraine.
He has presided over the complete and total collapse of the life blood of the nations economy, oil, and in doing so, he has plunged this nation into an economic downturn not seen in forty years,
He has demonstrated repeated, personal space, violations toward women and children and has never been investigated for a credible claims of sexual assault and innapropriate conduct towards his own daughter.
He has made a series of bizzare, incoherent, and inflammatory statemetns that indicate an ongoing and alarming pattern of cognitive decline.
He has emasculated the military readiness of this nation by imposing an ideology of social justice and woke ideals that constitute a compromise of the military readiness of all branches of the armed forces.
He has selected a judge to sit on the Supreme Court based solely on gender and race and not on idelogy or fitness for office and in doing so he has disregarded the tenets of meritocracy.
He promised to unite the country but has only further divided it into increasingly extreme factions and has never attempted to compromise on the issues of energy, abortion, inflation, domestic oil production or election security.
He has never acknowledged his own acrimonious role in the attempted assassination of a Supreme Court Justice.
He gave a speech, flanked by two Marines, villifying millions for not agreeing with him and then insisting that it was not a political speech.
He has increased the national debt, overstepped executive authority and cancelled legally contracted student loan debt without the input of Congress.
He has used the FBI to investigate and to implicate his chief political rival, in an ongoing, harassing and unnecessary political investigation unprecedented in American history.
He has steadfastly refused to address the concerns of millions about election security, his own legitimacy and passes over the fact that a large percentage of his own party never accepted the reults of the election of 2016.
His son has compromised the integrity of the office he holds and he continues to deny the reality of the infamous lap top containing videos and photos of his descent into drugs, prostitutes and various compromised and ongoing lies related to his business dealings.
He has as his Vice President, a Senator from California, assigned to deal with the crisis at the southern border. To this day she has never once visitied the border or even spoken in a serious manner about the serious and grave consequences of an unsecured border.
He himself has allowed the border on the southern portion of the United States to remain open and has never visited to see the results of his own disastrous policies.
He repeatedly blames his predecessor for problems and issues that he is responsible for and has never taken blame for the descent of this nation into undeniable chaos.
He has been the recipient fo an undeniable media bias, a supression of stories that portray him in an unflattering light and has never been held accountable for anything negative that is a result of his own misguided policies.
He has allowwed the Stategic Petroleum Reserve to plummet to a dangeroulsy low level further compromising the national security and economic independence of the Reublic he leads.
He has presided over an extensive crime wave in major American cities that has set new records for homicides, aggravated assaults and burglaries.
He has cancelled, with tyrannical indifference to the consequnces of his actions, a pipeline of vital economic importance for energy, into the U.S. and has given his approval for a pipeline to a nation hostile to the United States.
The people of the United States, in keeping with the established Republican and Democratic ideals, their rights enshrined and duly excercised by citizens as expressed in the Bill of Rights and made sacrosanct by the Almighty and aware of the dwindling repsect for their Republic ask and wait for a redress of the listed grievances. The target of this petition is the current administration and is one of our sacred God given rights. We ask for change and we remind the government of where their power comes from.
T. S. Deary – American Citizen
10/1 – 12/22/22
The storm came through in early October and leaving behind flooded streets and overflowing the banks of the river all along route 44.
The morning was foggy, a week past Ian, and hanging just above the tallest grass.
Driving west we saw a young deer, a buck, still growing antlers, making his way through the water near the draw bridge, leaping and moving fast looking for dry land.
The day warned and the games began, the coach was grumpy and I did not get it since the team was winning the game.
Aiden stole home and made it by a mile, no need to slide, all amiles he retreated ot the dug out.
(he wanted to pitch but they played him in the outfield, shagging fly balls and robbing home runs.)
Driving home we listened to Tom Petty and I drove on as he asked me about the lyrics, then he asked me if I thought that the deer had mede it across the flooded part of the woods?
I often wonder when I look at him, what is going on between his ears and what feelings lodge inside his heart as he runs from one impulse to the next.
Him, with those eyes that dart across the room from one place on the wall to the next, running legs chasing the ball that he hit himself.
Seems to me that he hjas had that same look his whole life, like he is listening to things only he can hear.
Running on some unseen internal fuse, no time ot waste, beginning over and over again and again, until there is nothing left and he is forced to find something new.
He was hard for me to understand when he was younger and he is hard to understand now,
He wants everyone to know that he is here, to be loved and to be told that he has done well.
Then come the mental tempest storms and we face off because I know things that he does not and I have to help him understand things that he has never thought of.
I remember when he was little and he would get to the end of the slide and instead of getting up he would just lay there and wait for someone to pick him up, staying on the ground and staring up at the sky.
Now he is all over here and all over there and then back again once more, endlessly looping, and still looking for what he wants to see.
Being young, you crumble under unfamilair weight and cry over precieved unfair demands, citing the lack of same on others.
But then there is me shaking my head and reminding you that what you need is not the same as others.
Once the uncoordinated child and now you have grown and have become so much better, such an accomplished athlete, all style and ease and achieveing things I never came close too.
In the evenings, I concern myslef with the way his life is going and how long I have before someone figures out that I am close to drowning and to wonder if the look in some of their eyes is one of sympathy or one that says the plan ios to leave me on my own in order that I learn lessons that have been so long in coming.
(think of all the times that I treid to explain and of all the times the given explanation had no impact at all.)
I wonder if he still thinks about that deer splashing through the flood waters and then disappearing into the woods?
T. S. Deary
10/11 – 12/7/22
Pictures Assembled From Memory 